


i think i get you

by novakid



Category: Homestuck, Stardew Valley (Video Game)
Genre: Crossover, I'll add more tags as I update this., Illustrated, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Past Suicide Attempt, Self-Indulgent
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-04
Updated: 2017-04-04
Packaged: 2018-10-14 23:12:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10545952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/novakid/pseuds/novakid
Summary: A crossover fic between Homestuck and Stardew Valley. Dirk Strider and Shane fall in love.





	

**Author's Note:**

> i cant believe im posting a crossover fic in 2017....  
> i made this for no shame november for.... last year. not only am i 4 months late, but this is only the first chapter.  
> uhhhh this is so self indulgent. if it seems ooc then thats why. some venty stuff here and there.  
> i drew a little illustration too. was gonna do more but i ran out of steam. i just wanna finally post this chapter.

The newcomer arrives the first day of Spring. He introduces himself to everyone as their new farmer. Grandson to the old farmer who passed away years ago. Because Lewis likes to create a strong sense of community, he urges the farmer to introduce himself to _absolutely_ everyone. Shane would rather go without all of the friendliness, but no such luck. He expects the guy to greet him sometime soon.  

He sees him at the saloon for the first time. Tall, solid build, dark brown skin with snow white hair, and the _stupidest_ pair of sunglasses Shane has ever seen. He goes out of his way to let the newcomer know he doesn’t like talking. So he leaves him alone.

His name is Dirk Strider, Marnie tells Shane. Not that he didn’t already know. Pelican Town is small, and news travels fast. Even Jas seems to know who he is. Shane tells her to be careful, because he’s still a stranger.

Shane doesn’t see much of the new farmer after that. Sometimes, during the weekends, he peeks his head out of the kitchen door to see Dirk talking to Marnie about farm animals. He knows that inevitably, once the farmer gets his barns and coops constructed, he’ll be coming often. Shane grumbles to himself at the thought and hides slinks back into his room.

* * *

 

Shane spends the night before the Egg Festival painting eggs with Marnie and Jas. This is definitely Shane’s favourite festival. He concentrates on painting his basket of eggs while Jas is musing about wanting to find all the eggs she painted.

The next day is colourful and bustles with activity. The whole town is there. Shane keeps to himself by the cider. Pam frequents too, but overall, he’s alone.

Dirk approaches, and Shane turns away to avoid eye contact. Out of the corner of his eye, Shane can see the farmer peering over the table. He points to the bowl. “Applejuice?”

“Cider.” He says. “Fruit punch is at the other table, where the kids are.”

Dirk raises a single eyebrow and nods once. Face void of expression. It’s a bit unnerving not being able to see his eyes behind those sunglasses. Shane almost asks about it. Instead, he lets Dirk silently pour himself a cup of cider and leave.

* * *

 

The next time Shane really sees Dirk is the Flower Dance. He decides to sit in the shade and watch as the dancers in the middle of the field spin and twirl, reluctantly or otherwise. He lets his gaze drift and he spots Marnie talking to Dirk.

And he doesn’t know why, but he feels nervous.

Suddenly, Marnie is turning to point at Shane. Dirk’s gaze follows hers and now he’s looking at him too.

He doesn’t know what to do. He’s frozen in place, staring back at the other two. Marnie waves happily, and Shane waves back. Dirk’s hands are in his hoodie pockets. He’s making no attempt to wave either.

What a fucking douchebag.

That night, while they’re preparing dinner, Shane asks Marnie why she was pointing at him for. She stops stirring enough to look at him.

“I was telling Dirk about you! He says you two don’t talk much.”

No, they don’t. Shane would rather keep it that way.

“You know, you should. You’ll be seeing him a lot more often. You two could be such great friends.”

Shane sighs and shrugs. He cuts tomatoes slowly as he speaks. “He seems like an asshole. I dunno.”

“Oh, Shane! Language! He’s not; he’s very courteous, unlike _someone_.”

“Who!” Jas is there at the kitchen door. She probably came when she smelled what was cooking. “I like Dirk! Penny says he’s super smart. And he also has a lotta books. Books with pictures too! And a lot about animals! Like horses.”

Shane feels a pit of heavyweight in his stomach. (He’s not jealous, he never will be, why _would_ he be.) But he instead asks Jas what she learned with Penny and Vincent today.

He gets less sleep that night.

* * *

 

Whenever Shane sees Dirk in the summer, he’s always wearing a hoodie. Granted, the hoodie is so thin that it’s practically translucent. But it doesn’t make sense for a farmer to wear it while he’s dashing one side of the town to the other doing jobs. One night, at the saloon Dirk comes in to have a drink at the counter. Shane can see the dark beauty marks on his arms through the hoodie. ( _What is the point?!_ )

After that, he notices Dirk’s presence in the saloon more often. Shane sees him there three days a week on average and wonders why the farmer is here during one of the busiest farming months of the year.

On a friday, Shane has to stay an extra two hours at Joja Mart for sleeping in. When he gets to the saloon, it’s full. He carefully walks past Robin and Dimitrius while they’re dancing and heads for his usual spot near the fireplace. Except he stills in place when he sees Dirk sitting dangerously close to Shane’s usual stool. He has his arms crossed on the table and face planted against them. The mug of beer beside him is nearly empty. Looks like someone’s drunk.

He groans and heads to his stool anyways, leaning more against the wall than not. There, Shane notices that those ugly shades aren’t on his face, but instead rested on the table beside his beer.

Shane has never seen the guy without those on. He swallows a bit and decides to tap Dirk’s shoulder. He’s hoping when he wakes up, he’ll be able to see…

His body quivers a bit before he gets up. A hand is on his face, covering his eyes (to shield him from the lights, no doubt) and he puts his shades on. Shane doesn’t get to see jackshit, besides how large those dark eyebrows really are.

“Whh… Fuck.” He rubs his face and sighs. “I… oh.” Looks at you. “What time is it?”

“Almost eight.”

Dirk seems surprised, but doesn’t seem too bothered by it. He finishes the last of his beer. Shane expects him to leave, but he doesn’t. He just sits in that same spot and stares at the polished counter.

Over in the lounge where the younger folk tend to hang out, Shane hears a bit of a ruckus. He tries not to pay attention to it in favour of focusing away from anyone around him. (Especially Dirk.)

But he sees Sam approaching them. Approaching Dirk more likely, since Dirk seems to be friends with just about everyone in town. Sam pulls out something from his pocket. Shane squints as he tries to identify it. It’s a rubber garden snake. Green with dirt clinging to the bottom, mouth ajar, and a red tongue that looks like it could break off if touched. He decides not to warn the farmer about the little prank. He doubts Dirk would even flinch at it.

But he’s wrong. Sam places the toy on Dirk’s shoulder and shouts a soft “boo!” To everyone’s surprise, he seizes up upon looking down at its head. It’s obviously fake, but the farmer jumps out of his seat and whacks it away from him. Hell, by the looks of it, he might even start to hyperventilate. Everyone around stares in awe. Robin and Demetrius. Emily and Gus. Sam, Abigail, and Sebastian. And Shane.

Dirk’s face is red at first. Then pale. He places a hand on his mouth and gags. And like that, he’s running out of the saloon. Probably to vomit in the trash.

“Holy-”

“Oh my gosh- Sam!” Abigail hits same in the side. “He’s probably afraid of snakes!”

“It was just a prank! I didn’t know-”

While they argue, Shane downs his drink, puts down some money and heads outside.

Dirk is hunched over the trashcan, spitting up the last of his bile.

Shane reluctantly walks over to place a hand on his back. “Are uh. You… okay?”

His eyes are shut tight, but he nods. “That… that was stupid.”

“Yeah, it was.”

“Awesome. Glad I was able to fill my idiocy quota for the night.”

Shane’s eyes widen. “Oh-” Shit. “I. No, I thought you were- You’re not stupid. The prank was. I thought you were talking about- uh. Not you.” Yikes. He’ss so out of practice with the whole ‘socializing without being a jerk’ thing.

The corners of Dirk’s mouth twitch. “Gotcha.” He rubs his mouth with his sleeve and sighs. “Well, I’m. Not going back in there.”

Shane nods and swallows. Impulsiveness takes over. “Wanna drink with me? Least it’ll get the gross taste off your tongue.”

Dirk thinks for a moment before agreeing.

That’s how Shane found himself sitting by the Cindersap Forest lake, drinking his own personal stash of Joja brand beer with Dirk Strider.

He was hesitant at first, eyeing the Joja brand on the can with disdain, before deciding he just couldn’t care enough. He must have drank his whole first can before Shane finished half of his.

“Wow. Fast drinker.” He murmurs without even thinking, “Man after my own heart.”

Dirk raises an eyebrow and grins at that. Shrugs. Shane’s more than relieved when he doesn’t bring it up. “You work at Joja Mart.” It’s not a question. It doesn’t sound like one, anyways. Probably a conversation topic.

“I do.”

“Use to work for Joja Corporation. Was a tech guy. Fixed all kinds of machines and computers. Dabbled in a little programming.”

“And you quit. I assume.”

“Well.” Dirk almost looks like he’s ready to say something, but his lips purse as he decides against it, instead saying, “Took a well needed break. Got yelled at for missing work. I made kind of a,” he does a vague gesture with his hands, “I made a scene. Got fired.”

Shane’s lips form a soft ‘o’. He almost feels jealous. He wishes he could have the guts to make a scene, get fired. “Looks like I should quit.” he jokes.

Dirk shakes his head. “I mean. If you want out, get fired. Collect compensation. Squeeze the bastards’ balls and get every last drop from them before you leave. But don’t damage property or goods. That’ll cost you.”

Shane can’t help but chuckle. “You’re funny.”

“Really.” He says through a smirk, raising an eyebrow. “Jas says you think I’m an asshole.”

* * *

 

Dirk visits on Monday. He lets himself in; no one in Pelican town ever locks their door during the day. Shane sees Dirk looking around for Marnie with a plastic bag in his hands. “Dirk?”

“Oh- Shane. Hey. Do you know where Marnie is?” Before Shane can answer, “Well. Nevermind. Here.” He gives him the plastic bag.

It’s full of bright red peppers.

“Marnie said you like them, so. I figured, you know. I had a lot. And I owe you.”

He’s taken aback. “No, you really don’t.”

“I do. Take them.” Dirk all but forces the bag into Shane’s hands. “Please.”

The next day, Shane is mailing homemade Pepper Poppers to Dirk’s farm.

* * *

 

“Do you know how to swim?”

It’s 7pm. The sun hasn’t set yet; but the whole town has decided to wait at the beach for the jellyfish to come. Someone brought a griller, and some people are using the fireplace in front of Elliot’s cottage to grill steak and the like.

“No. Not really.” Shane says.

“I could teach you.” Dirk has a basket of berries he foraged. He’s washed them, but Shane doesn’t trust that they’re completely clean enough to eat, despite the farmer shoving them in his mouth. “I mean, when it gets warm again. Use to swim all the time.”

Dirk gives Shane his basket and hops off the edge of the docks. They’re not too far out, so when he lands in the water, it only goes up just below his knees. It dampens just the bottom of his rolled up jeans.

Dirk looks content in the water. He agrees to try swimming with him one day.

He gets out of the water when the jellyfish are about to come. It’s Dirk’s first time seeing them. He and Shane sit side by side, each with a beer. It’s too dark to really see him, but when the ocean glows with that dim blue light, Shane looks over and sees Dirk’s face. The glow is just enough to light up his face. Soft and ethereal. Looking in amazement at the phenomena before him. Shane thinks he looks beautiful.

“Wow.” Dirk says, softly.

“Yeah.” Shane whispers. He tears his gaze away from Dirk and sips his beer. “Wow.

* * *

 

Dirk arrives at Marnie’s Ranch the first week of Fall for his heaters. He had gotten a barn and a coop built, and before he buys any animals, he wants to make sure they’re comfortable and warm.

“Shane, sweetie? Can you help Dirk carry the other heater so he doesn’t have to make two trips?”

Shane complies. They carry them to the new structures. The farm is looking pretty good; the last time he saw them was before Dirk came to town. An overgrown mess. While a good half of the farm is still overgrown, the half closer to his house is pretty orderly. Crops each in small plots. Scarecrows protecting them. “Already got your autumn seeds?”

“Pretty much.” He says. “Tried to grow as many peppers as I could. I fuckin’ love those Pepper Poppers, dude. Thanks again for the recipe.”

“If you have anymore, you should make me some.” Shane jokes, but Dirk looks at him as if silently promising to make him some soon.

After the two of them put the heaters in their respective buildings, Dirk catches Shane’s hoodie as he’s about to head out. “Do you want to hang out sometime? Today or… Whenever.”

“Whenever.” Shane repeats. “Like…”

“I could buy a pack of beers and we could.”

“Cindersnap?”

“Tomorrow?”

“Tonight.”

Dirk smiles. “Tonight. Okay. I’ll come by to get you then we can head to the lake.”

When he does pick Shane up, he has a whole fucking picnic basket. It has beer, fries, and _goddamn pepper poppers_ in a big plastic tub.

At the lake, they sit on the boardwalk and eat until they’re full, and eat more after that. And they drink until they can’t stay up anymore; they’re both laying on their backs, looking up at the sky.

“Dirk?”

“Shane.”

“Do you ever…” A sigh. “You ever feel like… No matter what you do, you’re going to fail? Like you’re just stuck. And…” This is stupid. Shane’s face is feeling warm with a mixture of shame and embarrassment.

Dirk is quiet, but he inquires softly, “Do you feel like that?”

“Yeah.” He murmurs. “It’s like I’m in a pit. And I’m too weak to crawl out of it.”

Dirk just stares at him, but his gaze isn’t demeaning or full of pity like Shane expects. It’s soft. He pats his shoulder and lays his head on the arm Shane is laying out. Glasses half skewed.

“Why are you wearing your shades during the nighttime?”

“Because I’m a douchebag.”

* * *

 

They make plans to hang out with each other more often. Dirk usually picks Shane up from the Ranch. Sometimes they hang out by the lake, or go to the Saloon together. Dirk likes to walk a lot. But, while the beach _is_ beautiful, Shane can’t always keep up. They stay in the town mostly.

One day, Dirk walks into the Ranch while Shane and Marnie are arguing. He doesn’t realize how loud he was until he shouts about not even wanting to be alive. Marnie goes quiet. Everything goes quiet. Until Jas starts breaking out in tears. That’s when he realizes Jas was watching. And when Jas runs away, she bumps into Dirk, and Shane realizes he was watching too. Jas cries into Dirk’s leg, and doesn’t even look at Shane while he’s taking her to her room.

He wants to shrink into himself until he disappears.

Marnie leaves to check up on Jas, and soon after, Dirk shows up in Shane’s room. He doesn’t know what to say. But Dirk does.

“Family troubles?”

“Mmm.”

“I feel that. Let's get out of here. We’ll go somewhere, come on.”

‘Somewhere’ turned out to be the city. Shane didn’t frequent there too often, and Dirk had never been to the one by Pelican town. They walk together side by side, bumping their sides together every now and again.

“My family’s pretty shit too.” Dirk says. “Not that Marnie is shit, but. I mean- that fight was shit. What happened was shit.”

“Yeah, I get it.” Shane muses a bit before realizing the only family of Dirk’s he knows is his grandfather. “What’s it like? Your family.”

Without missing a beat, Dirk has an answer, as if expecting Shane would ask that. “Parents were pretty much nonexistent. Dunno if they’re dead or just gone. We don’t talk about them. I have an absent older brother, and an _insufferable_ twin. I never even knew we had a grandfather until he died and gave me his farm.”

“A twin? That’s pretty cool.”

Dirk only shrugs. “He’s an asshole. Probably will come running to me once he runs out of money.”

Shane shifts uncomfortably; he practically did the same to Marnie when he started struggling. “Is he. Like, your level of asshole? Or-”

“He sent a gift wrapped box with a noose in it when I was in the hospital for trying to kill myself. You know, as a joke.”

Shane freezes. In his shock, he stops walking. Dirk keeps walking forward though. He frowns as he finally process what he said and tries to catch up. “Uh- Hey, I-”

“I’m fine now. Just a god awful time in my life that doesn’t mean anything anymore.” He doesn’t believe Dirk, but… he doesn’t say that. After all, he’s trying to reassure him. Which Shane thinks is stupid, that he’s the one doing the reassuring. For all of his talk about wishing he were dead, Shane’s too much of a coward to really go through with it. He wouldn’t have gone on and complained about how lousy he felt all the time if he knew how Dirk felt.

He can’t help but chastise himself for it. Because he’s an idiot, a dumb worthless idiot who doesn’t even know how to be a _mediocre_ friend.

He’s ripped from his thoughts when Dirk wraps an arm around Shane’s shoulders. “Hey. Take it easy. It’s really cold, but do you want some ice cream?” Dirk must have seen the distress in the crease of his forehead. Already, he can tell when he’s feeling down.

Already, he knows how to calm him.

“That’s so stupid. Yes.”

Dirk takes him to the nearest icecream shop. It’s pretty fancy, and he orders hot fudge along with their ice cream. They dig in, but all the while Shane can’t help but think about what Dirk said earlier. About being in the hospital. About trying to kill himself. They hang a lot, but he’s suddenly realizing how little he knows about Dirk.

“So…” Shane starts.

“So.”

“Um. Well, you use to work for Joja, yeah? But it kind of seems like, I’unno, you never really liked it.”

“I hated it. Made me want to kill myself.” They both pause in dead silence. Shane has a feeling that was meant to be a joke. “Um. Anyways. Yeah, no. Wasn’t my occupation of choice. Neither is farming, really, but I think I’ve grown into it. Certainly getting a workout. I don’t know if you’ve felt my biceps in our drunken endeavors but I’ve become pretty stacked since I came here.”

Shane keeps talking, to try to distract himself from his face which is probably hot pink right now. “What did you want to be? What was like, yaknow, your dream job.”

“Would you believe me if I said I wanted to be a porn director with a cast of smutty muppets?”

“I, uh. No?” Shane narrows his eyes when Dirk winks. “Don’t do that.”

It sends him into a fit of laughter until he answers. “Nah. I don’t know. Something with building stuff. I guess I was always pretty handy, and there are never not jobs for engineers or whatever.” He shrugs. “I also liked history and philosophy.”

“You must have done great in school. Jas said you’re a genius.”

“She’s sort of right. Honours and AP classes. So was my twin. We were in the same classes and gave our teachers hell. We monopolized every jeopardy study game.” Dirk looks out the window. Reminiscing? Either way, his focus is somewhere else. Shane says nothing and just watches him, feeling helpless. Watching the fork between his lips as Dirk idly chews on it. _(Jesus Christ.)_ His attention turns back to Shane when something snaps him out of it. “What about you? What did you want to be? Assuming you don’t just _adore_ Joja mart.”

“Ahaha, yeah.” He nervously looks down to his hands. “Well. In highschool, I was on the varsity gridball team. I could’ve gotten farther with that but. Well. You know.”

“Oooh. You were a jock, huh? Would you have shoved a book-loving nerd like me into the locker?” Dirk winks again, and Shane flusters even more. He’s starting to think he’s trying to do it on purpose.

“Shut up, you’re like a half foot taller than me.”

“I’m playing. What else would you have done?”

Shane thinks to himself for awhile. He was so use to such a repetitive, boring life, everything from his past just feels blurred. “I dunno. I use to do uh. Stop motion. Filmed a lot of cruddy shit on my mom’s camera. Mostly copied commercials and an episode of a cartoon I liked. Couldn’t act for shit, but it was funny. In that bad way.”

Dirk has got a smile on his face. Shane suddenly can’t sit still. “That’s… yeah. That’s adorable. You should make stuff like that. Film stuff. Film whatever you want. Upload it on the internet, people are bound to see it.”

“God, no, talk about embarrassing. I don’t wanna revisit that old hobby anyways.”

“Why?”

“It’s just. You know.” He gestures vaguely. “Stupid. I’m a damn adult.”

“So? You still have free time.” Dirk’s smile falters, and he studies Shane carefully. His eyes are like pins holding him in place. He doesn’t think he can lie to him like this. “I’ll help. You can use my farm to film. I could be an actor.”

“Oh come on, Dirk. Really. The towns folk’ll think I’m losin’ my damn mind. Ohaha, lookit that, Shane’s recordin’ himself bein’ a friggin’ moron.”

“They wouldn’t think that.” He says a bit more firmly.

Shane matches his tone. “Dirk. Everyone in town thinks I’m a fuckin’ bum.”

“I don’t.” Shane doesn’t remember Dirk ever sounding this sincere, yet he can’t bring himself to believe him.

The bus ride home is quiet and uncomfortable.

* * *

 

The Stardew Valley Fair has got everyone busy in preparations. Shane does everything he can to help Marnie set up. He hasn’t spoken to Dirk at all since they went to the city. He doesn’t bother trying to talk to him first. They’ve both got enough on their plates.

During the fair, they don’t speak. Shane knows it’s because of the showcase, but he can’t help but feel like he’s being ignored. Which is ridiculous to begin with, because he isn’t entitled to Dirk’s time. He doesn’t know why he’s being like this.

Shane stays out of everyone’s way. Jas takes a break from playing with Vincent to come over and eat with him. He tries to win a large stuffed toy for her, but he’s no good at any of the games. With all the points they both earn combined, they’re able to get a small stuffed bunny. Jas names it Princess and falls asleep in Shane’s arms before the sun is down.

* * *

 

Shane starts to get worried when he and Dirk go another week without talking. Granted, Shane has five long work days and Dirk is technically always working throughout the _whole_ week. But that never stopped them before.

“He’s busy, Shane.” Marnie says one day, knowing full well that Shane’s stressing over it. “Probably trying to prepare for the upcoming winter. His crops won’t be growing, and he’ll need to stock up on food for himself. And his animals!”

He knows she’s right. But he’s gone far too long without seeing him. It’s his fault, he knows that. He can’t keep up a steady friendship without fucking something up.

Instead of going to the saloon, Shane goes straight home after work. He starts spending a lot of time in his room feeling sorry for himself.

* * *

 

The next time he sees Dirk, it’s on Spirit’s Eve. It’s 10pm when Dirk shows up to the town square, and Shane is drunk.

“Jesus tits, Shane.” He says as he approaches him near the food table. “Punch ain’t spiked, is it? Are you okay?”

Shane can only look at him with big, misty eyes. Like he can’t believe the sight he’s seeing. “It’s you.”

“It certainly is me.”

“The hell ‘ave you been?” Shane says, dragging his feet over to Dirk. “I haven’t seen you in like… two weeks.”

“Sorry.” If Shane wasn’t as drunk as he is, he would have seen the guilt on Dirk’s face. “I’ve been busy on the farm. Trying to get things done before the weather gets too cold.”

It figures that he was overreacting. That doesn’t stop Shane from being an emotional wreck. He starts crying. He feels like he’s falling, crumbling.

He wakes up in his bedroom the next morning.

* * *

 

“Did you know that bed bugs can be gay?”

“Dude, what?” Shane takes another sip of his beer as he listens to Dirk. They’re at the Saloon, because it’s Winter and it’s far too cold for them to drink beers near the lake. “How do you know that? You look up neat bug facts? Or neat gay facts?”

“Is both a good answer for you?” Dirk winks, and Shane can’t stop from getting flustered. “Depending on the species, an ant colony can have more than one Queen.”

Shane rolls his eyes and leans against the wall. “You must be fun at parties.”

“I am. I’m pretty knowledgeable when it comes to ‘sick beats’. Though, people tend to crowd me more for my wicked bug facts and my gay stuff.”

“Gay stuff.”

“That’s certainly what I just said, yes.”

There’s a bit of a pause. Dirk is taking a drink and Shane is thinking to himself while shoving a slice of pizza into his mouth.

There’s no doubt about it; Shane has thought about it too much for it not to be obvious. “It” being his feelings for Dirk. “Feelings” being...Well. The type of feelings that make it hard not to watch Dirk’s adam’s apple bob gently with each gulp of his beer. _Holy shit,_ he can drink.

But it’s hard. It’s hard to find out about those things. Whether or not he has a chance in the first place. He doesn’t want to ask outright. Would asking about old relationships work? Would that be too invasive?

He was stressing out about this. He had to find out somehow. Shane wasn’t even sure if he’d do anything once he’d find out. _He just has to know._

“So…”

“So.”

“Tell me more about high school.”

Dirk just gives out a breathy laugh once again. “It was uneventful. What did you want to know? All the boring classes I took? Or every time I sent to the principal’s office from the library?”

“Well.” Shane is nervously tracing the rim of his beer mug, as he tends to do when he’s nervous. “You said you were a nerd, but I can’t really imagine that. You remind me of… you know. Those popular valedictorians who are super charismatic and friends with everyone. And who passes every test and still has time to go to every party. Mister popular, you know?” _You sure are handsome enough to be,_ he thinks to himself.

Dirk is silent while the things. Nibbles on a piece of pepperoni. “I don’t know if I was Mr. Popular Valedictorian. That was my friend, Rox. She’s the genius party girl.”

Shane feels his heart restrict. “Yeah. But you must have been a hit with the ladies, right?”

Dirk stares at you. You feel constricted by his gaze. That is, until he bursts into a fit of laughter. Really loud laughter. It’s the first time Shane has ever seen him laugh so hard. In fact, it might be the first time anyone has seen him laugh this hard. The whole saloon is silent, save for Dirk. And they’re both looking over at the two of them.

Shane feels a secret sort of pride in being the one making him laugh like this, even if he doesn’t know why. (Pride passes fast, and he feels sick to his stomach.)

“Oh no…” Dirk is able to say. He’s still laughing.

“Wh. What? What?”

“Do I really give off heterosexual vibes to you?”

Shane has never felt more stupid in his entire life.

* * *

 

They always hang out at the saloon. Or in the forest. But sometimes they want to be alone and it’s too cold out to be outside.

Shane feels like he’s in highschool again. Having a friend over, a friend he liked enough to invite over, sitting on his bed, looking at all his junk. Grid balls, video games, comic books. Surprisingly, he’s not as embarrassed as he thought he’d be. He knows Dirk delves into comics and games. And he trusts him enough not to make fun of his interests. Dirk’s cool like that.

They both sit on the bed, side by side as they watch a movie. “Watch” meaning talk while the movie plays in the background. Shane doesn’t like speaking, but he loves talking with Dirk. The guy has so much to say. Shane never thought he had much to say himself, but he finds himself talking so much that his mouth goes dry. Easily remedied with the beers he keeps in his mini fridge.

Dirk is looking through Shane’s comics. A lot of them are old. Not old enough to sell for thousands, but old enough to be forgotten over time.

“Christ. I haven’t seen these comics in forever. Since I was with my ex, I think. He use to be crazy about this shit.” Dirk looks up from an issue of Batman. “Made me dress up with him and go to cons. Which was fun, but I’m not much of a spandex kind of guy.”

There’s a gentle buzz of irritation every time Dirk mentions his ex. Ever since Dirk told him his orientation at the saloon, he’s been more open about casually talking about it. About his ex, about celebrity crushes, or fictional crushes, or about other weird shit that had Shane’s face heating up. He’s glad that Dirk trusts him, but on the other hand…

“I still have this batman belt he got me for the Day of the Winter Star? It’s really dumb. If you’re still into this stuff, you can have it. It’s pretty gaudy though.”

“No thanks. Not a flashy guy.”

“Of course not.” Dirk says softly with a fond grin. Every time he looks at Shane like that, he finds his face warming up. Which is starting to become a problem, since Dirk seems to always smile like that around him.

What a mess he is…

While flipping through another comic book, a piece of loose leaf falls out. Dirk holds on the piece of paper and raises his eyebrows. Shane knows exactly what it is, and to his horror, a huge, toothy grin spreads across his face from ear to ear.

“Is this…”

“No.”

“Your drawing?”

“No!”

Dirk scoots closer to Shane, showing him what’s on the page. It’s one of Shane’s old attempts at drawing the Justice League in sharpie. It’s bad, Shane thinks, but Dirk doesn’t take his eyes off of it. “Dude, this is awesome. Like, way awesome. You didn’t tell me you could draw.”

“Because I don’t. It’s bad. Just a buncha self indulgent shit I did in highschool. It’s embarrassing.”

Dirk, of course, ignores him. “Do you have any more? You have to show me more. You absolutely have to. I think I might drop dead if you don’t.”

Shane is silent for a few more seconds before sighing through his nose. He gets up and gets on his hands and knees on the floor and starts searching for something under his bed. Courteous as ever, Dirk lifts up his legs and pulls up the blankets for him.

Finally, he pulls out a big blue binder full of his drawings, comics, and all the shitty art he did in highschool. Dirk is thrilled.

It’s no surprise; the comics are personal. They reflected how Shane felt back then. How he began to feel, and what he wanted. Aspirations and dreams of being a hero and being liked and having a purpose. Shane is on guard, ready to prepare for laughter that never comes. Dirk is reading each page intently. All the panels, annotations, rough ideas scribbled down. Shane can’t stand looking at them, and can’t stand looking at Dirk’s face which is focused on his binder. He collapses back on the bed and lays down while he watches the movie and waits for Dirk to finish.

Dirk finishes it all in an hour. “Shane, that was amazing.”

“No it’s not.”

“It is.”

“It’s an illustrated diary that I spent _way_ too much time on.”

“Diaries can be amazing.” He says this before putting the binder to the side and laying besides Shane, who is sweating bullets now. “I really, truly liked it. And I know that that was… personal. And I’m sorry if I made you feel like you had to show me.”

He looks at Dirk with big eyes, like a deer in headlights. “I… It’s fine. I wouldn’t have show you unless I wanted to.” He swallows hard. “I trust you.”

The corner of Dirk’s lips turn upward, and he nods softly. “Thank you.” Shane thinks that’s the end of that, but then Dirk’s sitting up. Taking off his shades, his hoodie, setting them at the foot of the bed, and laying back down.

The first thing he notices is the colour of Dirk’s eyes. He thinks that there’s some kind of illusion, that they’re brown with his bedroom lights shining in some kind of weird way… But no. Two bright, beautiful, orange eyes staring him right in the face. He’s never seen them before. And he thinks that it’s all too much; he feels like he got the breath knocked out of him.

The second thing he notices are the thin, light lines that pepper Dirk’s arms. Memory takes him back to summer time, when he’d secretly chastise the farmer for wearing a hoodie in the summer. Once again, he feels like a goddamn idiot.

“Dirk…”

“Hey.” He says, with that smile that makes Shane’s spine feel warm. “It’s fine. I wouldn’t have shown you if I didn’t want to.”

He looks down at the scars on his wrists and feels his heart ache.

“I trust you.”

* * *

 

Shane prepares a gifts in time for the Feast of the Winter Star. With his New Year’s bonus, he buys Jas a new dress that she’s been eyeing. For Marnie, a monthly year long subscription to her favourite magazine. He’s out of money after that, but Shane isn’t worried. Dirk’s gift didn’t have Shane spending any money. Just time. A lot of time.

Marnie serves dinner early, because Jodi invited her and Jas over for desserts. That way the ladies can chat while the children can play. It’s perfect for Shane, that way he can head over to Dirk’s.

He follows the path going up towards Dirk’s farm, thanking whatever cosmic power there is that they live so close by.

From a distance, Shane can see the lights of Dirk’s cottage. The closer he gets, he can make out multiple figures through the windows.

Maybe it’s a bad time.

Shane tries not to be anxious. He tries not to think about the possibility that Dirk threw a party and didn’t invite him. He tries not to feel betrayed or left out. He tries really hard to move one leg in front of the other and just drop off the gift.

He knocks on the door.

Dirk doesn’t open the door. Someone else does.

“Hey! Who are you?”

Shane is speechless. Who is _that_.

She has the brightest, pinkest hair that’s almost eye-searing. Someone else pokes their head through the door, over her shoulder. It’s Dirk.

No, not Dirk. Not really.

Smaller in frame, not as muscular, and has pitch black hair. But that is unmistakingly Dirk’s face. He has the same glasses Dirk does, and somehow the nervous pit in Shane’s stomach is getting heavier.

“Dirk.” He says with Dirk’s voice. “It seems you have a secret admirer.”

Shane is stammering for the right words but none of them can come out. Dirk appears, and he pushes his two guests away from the doorway. “Hi. Hey. Oh, hold on.” And the door is shut in his face.

Shane debates on sprinting back home.

But in seconds, Dirk returns with a wrapped gift. He shuts the door behind him.  The inside of the cottage is loud with conversation and music, but outside, it’s just them. “Hey neighbour.”

“Hi.”

He sighs, but has a smile on his face. “Nice to see you. Sorry, it was really last minute so I didn’t get to tell you but my family came over to visit for the holiday. They kind of invited themselves in.”

Relief washes over Shane. Overreacted again. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. That was my twin and my sorta-cousin. Older brother has a family friend whose _practically_ his sister. Her daughter was the girl who answered the door. Should technically make me her uncle, but we’ve always called her our cousin since she’s our age. I dunno, it’s weird.”

Shane’s heart feels warm as he listens to Dirk ramble. Dirk cuts himself off abruptly though. “Oh- Hey. Sit down with me.” He motions over and sits down on the edge of the porch, gift box on his lap. “Got you something.”

Shane sits down besides him, and holds out his gift. “Same. I hope you didn’t get me anything too awesome. It’ll make mine look as good as Joja Mart coupons.”

“I don’t know if it can be categorized as “ _too awesome”_. I guess you’ll have to open it and see.”

And he does. Shane takes the gift and unwraps it. He’s glad that the box is nestled in his lap, because he would have dropped it in his state of shock.

It’s a video camera. An expensive ass, high tech video camera.

“I figured, since you know, you said you were into it. You don’t have to worry about the price, like, at all. My bro got it for Hal and I when we were younger; neither of us used it at all. It was just collecting dust. So… I told him that if he still had it, to bring it over so I could give it to you.”

Shane thinks whether or not it’s possible to feel overjoyed and miserable at the same time. This is too good a gift, and the one he gave Dirk is…

He was already opening it.

“Oh my God. Shane… _This is the best fucking gift imaginable_.”

It’s a comic, done on plain white paper instead of the usual lined loose leaf, carefully tucked in a binder. In it is a 46 page comic, completely hand drawn by none other than Shane. It’s definitely no pricey video camera, which is what has Shane in knots. He knows it’s not neat or flashy, but it was what he had to offer. As per the norm, Dirk outshine him tenfold.

But Dirk loves it. The art, the craftsmanship, the care, the thought put into it. It’s a comic about him. It has his farm, his animals. Some of the townsfolk. And it has Shane. “I can’t even. Comprehend how amazing this is. This is. Wow. It’s _really_ good.”

“It’s not- I can come up with something better-”

Shane stills when one of Dirk’s hands press gingerly against his cheek, pulling his face to look at him. (It’s then when he notices how cold he is, and how warm Dirk is.) “No. This is the best thing you could have gotten me. I’m grateful as all hell, you have no idea.”

The butterflies in his stomach begin to flutter up into Shane’s throat as he struggled to speak coherently. “I wanted to do right by you.”

A thumb traces over his cheekbone. “You usually do.”

To Shane’s pleasant surprise, Dirk’s shades don’t get in the way when they kiss.

Two days later, the snow on the ground almost completely melts, and Shane is sure it’s because of the warmth he felt during their kiss.


End file.
